Guest Post | If you have a chronic illness, it can be hard enough to deal with and understand on your own, let alone trying to explain it to your friends.
I should know – currently battling three autoimmune diseases, my immune system has pretty much decided it doesn’t like me anymore!
I’ve struggled with explaining my illnesses to friends. Sometimes it might seem easier to just keep your mouth shut and avoid the conversation altogether. But ultimately, that’s not what friends are for. They’re there to support you, and that includes learning all about your illness.
Explaining your chronic illness to a friend can be tricky, but it’s important that they at least have some understanding of what you’re going through. It’s easy for them to forget that you’re chronically ill because they don’t see it on a daily basis and your symptoms may not always be apparent.
What does it mean to have a chronic illness?
A chronic illness is an illness that lasts for a long time or keeps coming back. It can affect any part of the body and cause a wide variety of symptoms. Some symptoms include chronic pain, stomach/bowel issues, anxiety, chronic fatigue, mood swings, skin rashes, sleep disorders, just to name a few.
Chronic illnesses are different for everyone, and there is no one-size-fits-all explanation.
Some examples of chronic illnesses are:
- Crohn’s Disease
- Colitis
- Fibromyalgia
- Endometriosis
- Lupus
- Lyme Disease
- Hashimotos
Of course, these are only a handful of examples. There are so many more chronic illnesses out there. And, unfortunately, many people who have one chronic illness or autoimmune disease are more susceptible to having two, or even three.
While it’s difficult living with a chronic illness, it’s sometimes even more difficult explaining it to others. I often cancel plans last minute, or fly off the handle for no reason, and I can’t eat at certain places due to a strict diet. All because of my chronic illnesses.
We all know that true friends will be there for you through thick and thin, it’s just important to explain your situation clearly so that they can understand you better.
Here are five tips for explaining your chronic illness to a friend:
1. Be honest
Chances are, your friends know something is wrong.
You don’t need to get into detail about every symptom (unless of course they are genuinely curious and you’re happy to share), just let them know how you’re feeling generally.
If your friends are around when you’re having a ‘flare day’ (that is, the kind of day where everything hurts and all you want to do is stay in bed) let them know.
They’ll appreciate your honesty, and it will make it easier for them to understand when you can’t do something or have to cancel on plans at the last minute.
2. Use examples
If you’re finding it difficult to describe how your illness feels, try using examples of things that happen when you’re unwell.
For example, when my Crohn’s disease flares up, I could be bent over double in pain or feel too exhausted to even pick up my phone to send a text. If I eat something I shouldn’t, I could be sick for days. Other times during a flare up, it can even hurt to brush my hair!
Showing your friends the kind of things that make you feel unwell will help them understand what’s going on in your body.
3. Be patient
Remember that chronic illness is a difficult concept to grasp, even for those who have it themselves.
Don’t get defensive if your friends don’t understand how you’re feeling or if they ask what may seem like silly questions.
They might not realise what they’re saying is upsetting and the last thing you want is an argument.
Just take a deep breath, explain things in a way they’ll understand and be patient with them. More often than not, they really want to know what’s going on and are trying their best to understand.
4. Educate them
One of the best things you can do for your friends is to educate them about your illness.
There’s no need to go into the nitty gritty medical detail, but giving them a broad overview of things will help them understand the kind of things you deal with.
It might seem like a lot of work, but it will really help your friends to know more about your illness and how it affects your life.
Print out some information for them or suggest some websites if they want to find out more about what you’re going through. They could even come to your next doctor’s appointment to gain a better insight.
5. Let them help
One of the best things about having friends is that they want to help, even if they don’t always know how.
If your friends offer to help, let them! It can be anything from taking you grocery shopping so you don’t have to use up all your energy getting a bus to the shops, to helping you fold your laundry (folding bedsheets always leaves me drained!).
Don’t be afraid to ask for help, either. Friends are there to support you, so take advantage of that!
If all else fails…
People with chronic illnesses are often called ‘Spoonies’. This term was created by Christine Miserandino who came up with the ‘Spoon Theory‘ when she was trying to explain what it was like to live with Lupus to a friend who wanted to understand it more.
They were in a restaurant, so she took spoons off nearby tables and handed them to her friend.
She began by explaining that she begins each day with 12 spoons. Although, if she had a bad nights’ sleep, then she’d start the day with only 10 spoons. Each activity, such as getting out of bed, showering, making breakfast, eating breakfast all cost one spoon.
As she was explaining all of this, she was taking the spoons out of her friend’s hands, much to her friend’s dismay.
More often than not, she is out of spoons by the time the evening comes around and has no more energy to do anything – shopping, cooking, housework, let alone something fun.
As someone with chronic illnesses, I found Christine’s story and explanation of Spoon Theory really helpful in explaining to my friends what it’s like living with a chronic illness.
Remember, you are not alone in your struggle. There are so many other people out there who have chronic illnesses, and it is important to remember that you can still live a full life with these conditions. The more we talk about our illnesses the less scary they seem.
I hope this article has helped you feel empowered by giving you some ideas on how to explain your chronic condition to others. If you’ve had to explain your chronic illness life to a friend before, I’d love to hear how you went about doing so!
Bio: Vourneen is the creator of The Plain Simple Life where she helps overwhelmed women to regain control of their homes by switching their mindset, decluttering and organising, and introducing simple and sustainable living practices into their daily routines. She is also a chronic spoonie, world traveller and a Harry Potter fanatic!
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